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“The Building is on Fire”
During a recent ecumenical gathering, a secretary rushed in shouting, “The building is on fire!” The Methodists gathered in the corner and prayed. The Baptists cried, “Where is the water?” The Quakers quietly praised God for the blessings that fire brings. The Lutherans posted a notice on the door declaring that fire is evil. The Roman Catholics passed the plate to cover the damages. The Jews posted symbols on the door hoping the fire would pass by. The Congregationalists shouted, “Every man for himself!” The Fundamentalists proclaimed, “It’s the vengeance of God!” The Episcopalians formed a procession and marched out. The Christian Scientists concluded that there was no fire. The Presbyterians appointed a chairperson who was to appoint a committee to look into the matter and submit a written report. the secretary grabbed the fire extinguisher and put the fire out.
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“The Minister and the Taxi Driver and St. Peter” After a preacher died and went to heaven, he noticed that a New York cabdriver had been given a higher place than he had. "I don't understand," he complained to St. Peter. "I devoted my entire life to my congregation." "Our policy is to reward results," explained St. Peter. "Now what happened, Reverend, whenever you gave a sermon?" The minister admitted that some in the congregation fell asleep. "Exactly,” said St. Peter. "And when people rode in this man's taxi, they not only stayed awake, they prayed."
“The Sermon and Its Application” A gray-haired old lady, long a member of her community and church, shook hands with the minister after the service one Sunday morning. "That was a wonderful sermon," she told him, "-- just wonderful. Everything you said applies to someone I know."
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“The Substitute Organist Gets a Job”
The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play. "Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But you'll have to think of something appropriate to play after I make the announcement about the finances." During the service, the minister paused and said, “Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected, and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up." At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star-Spangled Banner." And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!
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“The Man Who Fell Off a Cliff” A man fell off a cliff, but managed to grab a tree limb on the way down. The following conversation ensued: "Is anyone up there?" "I am here. I am the Lord. Do you believe me?" The man replied: "Yes, Lord, I believe. I really believe, but I can't hang on much longer." God said: "That's all right. If you really believe you have nothing to worry about. I will save you. Just let go of the branch." A moment of pause, then the man said: "Is anyone else up there?"
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“And With Your Spirit” A minister would go out to the lectern and begin each worship service with the words: “The Lord be with you.” The congregation faithfully responded each week with the words: “and with your spirit.” The church was very large so the minister used a portable wireless microphone. One Sunday the minister tried to use the microphone, but something was wrong with the microphone. Tapping on the microphone he said: “there is something wrong with the microphone.” And the congregation responded: “And with your spirit.”
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